Cold hands, warm shart.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
