I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
