You just made me feel so damn special
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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