my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
