You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
