She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
pray to the hookup gods
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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