I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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