i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
