Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
