Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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