shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
