I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
