It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
