ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
