our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
