Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
