i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
