Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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