i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
