My balls are so social today.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
