Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
