Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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