It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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