Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
