maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
