apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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