Moan for me like Helen Keller
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
