I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
