i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
