gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
