i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
