I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize