I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
