Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
