just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
