turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize