just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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