CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
