Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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