Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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