My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
