Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
