Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
