I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
