Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
