how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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