Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
