he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
is that a dick in a sweater?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
