I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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