I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
