Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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