I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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