there's paper in my vomit.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
