So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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