Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
