The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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