he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
