oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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