you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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