...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
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I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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