If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
