No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
