Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
