For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
