I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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