you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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